Freddy Wants a Blog and creates a disaster at the party.

Monday the 11th;



wowie wow.

Freddy came home, after driving in my newly painted, and repaired hot pink minivan(because Freddy said, and I quote, some bitch named ghostbutt Hammerfuck totaled it because... I don't know.), which carries the whole family, and can apperently fit all his friends, and then C'Dward, who Freddy claims he very much dislikes, but has to drag around to please Matilda.

I find this hard to believe.

Anywhosil, Freddy was all like "Bitch, can I have a blog?"

At first, I thought this was an okay idea, as Fred needs a little more enthusiasim in his life. All he does is sulk, and go to Wal-Mart, and buy eggs, which means I have to give him money, because he has no source of income.

Then, I thought of the fact that if Freddy had a blog, it would be fucking morbid. He would talk about setting things on fire, and that he makes horror home videos with Mike and Jason. People would have a conniption. Then kill thmselves, which I don't want to have to deal with, because them cops would come by constently, to yell at me, then Tony and Fox would have to shove them away.

That would suck.

So, I said no, then he started to flip shit, throwing dishes to the gound, and yelling curse words, and just in spite of me, started writing, on a peice of paper, his first blog post.

Kay, so, I better go, and hide his computer.

Hey, this is Freddy, bitches.

Norah left her computer on the dining room table while she went to put out a back yard fire.

Just to tell you all, I AM a pedophile, and I give LSD to children. Norah will most likely read this, but still not believe it, because she is a re-tard. She took away my computer, because she thinks I will make a blog, and it will mind fuck people. This is not true, because people would not care. I also think the only people who would read it would be like, Michael and Jason. And C'Dward, who I fucking hate with a passion.

Oh. Shit.

Freddy Out !

Oh my fucking god. Freddy took the laptop, didn't he? If anyone reads this, and like, dies, it is definetly not my fault. It is Fred's, because he set Jack's rose bed on fire, and I didn't want him to come home from the family hotel and see his roses were dead.

I think I need to go. Harvey is all like, vroomming at Freddy.

kpeace.


Wednesday the 13th, Lispeth's Founders Day Party, oh dear god.


I didn't know what the fuck was going on when I woke up on the 13th. I was so wacked out, no joke. I think I was drugged last night, and the familiarity of the headache, I knew it was LSD. I don't even remember where I probably got it.

Well, anyway, I invited a friend to Lispeth's founder's day party tonight. Her name is Clarice Starling, and she worked with Tony and Fox at the FBI. We have known eachother since we were 19 years old. It is awesome, because she lives in Washington, and not Illinois. I love her, and apperently, she somehow knows Gertie's husband Hannibal. I will keep them away the whole night.

So, Clarice popped in around 2:00, making it an hour before we had to walk over to Lispeth's giant house. I actually am so amused that the whole block has massive houses except Jason's, which is an awkward shack.

So, I dress up the boy's, and Freddy actually complied to walk with us. I am so proud of him.

Clarice kept profiling the family, which I found odd, because there isn't much about our family that is weird, and she will somehow find out that Freddy has an obsession with eggs (family secret.).

Also, when we were walking to Lispeth's, we saw Jason lurking outside Gertie's house. Freddy laughed.

And we got to Lispeth's her youngest daughter's were outside still picking wildflowers for all the tables. I got a small bunch. It was cute.

The boy's ran off to do there own, and Freddy almost regurgitated a cow, because C'Dward was there, with the new boy on the block, who I assume is this Ghostbutt Hammerfuck, which I assume is not actually his name.

Gertie popped up around 5:30, and I had to hide Clarice from her, because she likes to jump to conclusions about people cheating on her. Hannibal saw her, and acted all twitchy, and waved. She look kinda disgusted. ;)

Long story short, shit happened.

Freddy appereantly spiked the chocolate fountain, and everyone was wacked out of their minds. Freddy is grounded for the rest of his life, but may be able to Wal-Mart once a week.

Have fun Freddy, while it last's.

Cracked Eggs, Rubber Duckies and LSD.

Blog,

I am surprised I'm still alive, as I cleaned Freddy's room today.

It started out normal. I mean, I got up, ate breakfast, Tony and Fox went to work, Harvey went out into the woods randomly, and Jack was in the hospital getting his stomach pumped. Freddy was out driving my car around that fucking long road called Rippergrove Road.

Gertie lives on the fucking top, with her massive mansion with her million husbands, and Michael. Okay, maybe not a million husbands, but she has a lot. Maybe not as many as me, but you get the point.

Anyway, I decided to clean Freddy's room, because I think deer live in there because of the rotten shit. So, I emerge in there with one of those 1940's gas masks, and gloves. I started picking up his clothes, and stuff when I found cracked eggs under his bed. It smelled terrible. Then, I found a mini Easy Bake oven, with rubber duckies inside, and inside the ducks, were what I presumed were...DRUGS.

Having been a druggie at one point, I knew that it was LSD, which oddly enough is Gertie's last name. I stared at them for a while, wondering what to do. I don't think I can confront my troubled son about this addiction, so I think I will just leave them there. I did drugs, and I ended up just fine, if I should say so.

Anyway, I also cleaned my room, but I wouldn't dare go into the others. I was morbidly terrified of Harv's, probably because he does some pretty freaky shit down there.

Then, Freddy came home. I could tell because the van radio was blasting that music that my kid listens to. He left the car running, and went to him room, then yelled "BITCH! WHY DID YOU CLEAN MY ROOM!"

Then I preceded to explain deers were living in her closet, and that I did not find anything out of the ordinary, other then that.

I hope he doesn't notice I took the Easy Bake Oven.

xxx.

Norah.

A day full of Metal music, and Doctor Who

I blame it on Tony.

Last night, when Tony had gotten home from work, he came with a giant bag from HMV. He bought all 30 some seasons of Doctor Who with his work Christmas bonus. Apparently, it only costed him 700 dollars. I highly doubt this, and I am scared to see the result.

Anyway, he told me that I needed to watch every singe episode because he told a co-worker that I saw every episode, and that we were going to have a huge discussion about in at the new years eve party that the FBI is having. I am scared for the sanity of my brain. So I started watching. I shit you not, I have already watched the first 42 episodes of the first season.

Then Freddy came home wearing his fedora, and I had the 'Talk' with him. He almost set me on fire because of the accusation. He then went to his room, and listened to Cannibal Corpse of full blast, so I could not continue with my Doctor Who day. I hope I can get all the episodes done by the party. Even if not, I'll just talk to him about the old series, which I am sure I can get through.

xxx.

Norah.

For the love of god, and all that is holy!

I took off Harvey's mask today.




It started out as a normal morning. Freddy was video taping things on the new video camera I got him for Christmas, Jack was drinking at 9 am, and Fox and Tony were at work. So, I went downstairs to bring Harvey his regular extra large nachos, chili and cheese, with extra cheese, to find he had turned the basement into a legit torture chamber.

It made me slightly uncomfortable.

I put the plate on the table in front of him, to only see he was fast asleep, wearing the fucking mask! So, ever so slowly, I leaned in, and ripped of that retched thing.

Well, he woke up, like every cilché horror movie.

Of course, as a primary emotion, I got the fuck out of there. Harvey, he just did what he always did. Chainsawed everything in a 500 mile radius. I ran out the house, like a crazy lady, waving my arms, and running in circles, till i noticed that I had dropped the mask.

He got it back!

So, my plan went literally broke. I then decided not to go face him again, and go to the mall, for boxing day sales. Freddy just nodded my way, saying "Bitch" instead of mom, like he always used to do.

I also have a feeling that Fred is gay. Only because I over heard a 'Prank Phonecall' which included Freddy, and that sparkly boy C'Dward Eullen. Surprisingly, Michael was not there. I think I have to have the sexuality talk with Freddy. Maybe that's why he is angry all the time.

On my way back from the mall, some old man nearly hit my new BMW. I yelled out an open window "Asswench", and gave him the middle finger.

He waved at me like we were old friends.

I think he has no brain, and needs to be committed to an old folks home.

Sounds like something Gertie would say...



xxx.

Norah.

kcool.

Well, today was slightly eventful.

We were supposed to have a random school cancellation day, but it never came. Freddy was furious, and lit the rose garden Harvey made on fire. Fox, my FBI boyfriend, claimed that Freddy was from another planet. Again. I think Freddy need therapy. But not the school councilor, because Fred set him on fire two months ago.

Also, Jack got drunk again and tried to kill us.

It didn't work out.

Harvey went to the store, and decided to but a chainsaw. I don't know what has gotten into him!

"Harv?" I had said, going to his room in the basement. He replied with a buzzing from his chainsaw. "Vrmmmmmmm!"

I saw that he was cutting up the computer desk, because a screw got lost, and he was still wearing that god forsaken mask!

I also got a phone call from my half deceased mother Wilma. I think she went insane about 30 years ago. Had me, then nearly killed me about 50 times. I also heard that she downed a bottle of Jack Daniels, and smoked pot every other night. I turned out fine, if i do say so myself.

So, mother said that she was getting Freddy a blade sharpener for Christmas, which makes me a little uneasy, because god knows what Fred would do with even more sharp claws. Also, she said I needed a 12 pack of condoms. I don't see why. I mean, I only have one kid. that I gave birth to when I was 15. Because I didn't know what sex was, at the time.

Wilma is a whore.

God Almighty, I think that Harvey just killed the pet cat, and according to Fred's nauseating yells, he's eating its vital organs.

Bleeding hearts of the world united!

My God.

Today, when I got home, my estranged boyfriend, Jack Torrence, told me, in an odd, almost twitchy, voice, that Freddy had hospitalized his little friend Jason, after shoving his claw into his ear. A primary emotion was anger. Then understanding. That Jason boy and his friend Michael have odd idea's about fun things. But so does Freddy. Poor boy.

Also, Freddy set fire to his new tree house. I don't understand what happened to the boy's mind. I think it's from his father's side. Whoever that is. I have a feeling it's one of the psychopaths though, just an assumption.

Freddy has also been doing a lot of killing lately. So I sent his to cool down, by killing Robert Pattinson. And maybe a few fan girls while he's at it. And fanfiction writers.

s'all cool.

Anyway, my boyfriend Harvey Malone stole a Leatherface mask, and hasn't taken it off yet. I think , because of his methods, he may have picked something up from Michael and Jason.

kthx.

An Introduction

Ever since Norah Welton was a young girl, she has had a fascination with boyfriends. She managed, even though her days of ugliness and accusations of being a lesbian, managed to hold down at least 4 boyfriends. Each of them, managing to be 2 serial killers, and 2 FBI agents. All not knowing that the night she is not with them, she is off having sex elsewhere. All 4 of them are unaware that they are each a victim of polygamy. Also that one of them has fathered a child, named Freddy Krueger Jr! Which one is the father?

Read to find out.